Bligbi » Personal

Adventures in medical care

Karen — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:37:52 +0000

Just wanted to pop in for a moment to say I probably won’t be posting much for the rest of the week.

The reason being our daughter was hospitalized over the weekend after having a seizure. She’s alright now (already back at school) but I’m still exhausted and would probably sleep this week away if I could, but there’s follow-ups to do and medicine to “instill”.

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Crime: Peeking in the Closet

Karen — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 00:29:43 +0000

Punishment: At least 48hrs until she can celebrate graduating to a two wheel scooter.

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In the name of God, I abuse You

Karen — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:49:44 +0000

Since opening this blog there is one thing I’ve never really written about. My childhood. Especially my childhood after mother became a born again fundamentalist. I was about ten years old when that happened and she was dead by the fall of my 14th year. By the time of her death she considered me the “devil’s own” and was convinced that my brothers and I were going straight to Hell.

Our younger sister though, who knew nothing but fundamentalism, was the apple of her eye and was a fundamentalist herself by then. I’m not going to lie, I utterly despised my younger sister by then. She was mean, hateful and her favourite sport was bullying non-Christian kids, including the little brother of my then best friend, a Jehovah Witness.

Though I got custody of her when she was in high school I’d say we’ve honestly only truly liked each other for about the last few years or so. Last year I accompanied her to Mississippi to attend a funeral where I was permanently disowned for continuing to be an atheist.

My sister who witnessed the final fight between Linda and I decided to come back to Houston with my daughter and I where she finished out her vacation. During the course of her stay we got to talking about our childhood and some of the things that happened.

It was during one of those conversations that she dropped a bombshell and I finally understood just how horrible of a life our mother put our sister through. I’ve known for years that religion, especially fundamentalism, is extremely destructive, it never occurred to me to think of my sister as being one of the destroyed who turned into a destroyer.

She told me that the reason she hated me and made my life as miserable as she could for a little sister was because, unlike her, I wasn’t afraid of Hell.

I was not convinced I was the evil monster our mother insisted that I was simply because I was human. She, on the other hand, believed every nasty thing that ever came out of that woman’s mouth and it made her furious that other’s didn’t live in fear of waking up in Hell like her. She wanted to claw all our eyes out over it.

The reason I decided to write this post is because of this post by a fundamentalist woman who is joyful that her four year old daughter whom she refers to as a “wretched little girl” who would so obviously love to hear her mother praise her without conditions just once it’s heartbreaking has decided she can never be a good girl without Jesus.

O wretched little girl she is, who will deliver her from her body of death.

First thing in the morning my 4 year old daughter normally says to me, “I am going to be a good girl today mummy”. When she says this she really means it, and I can see how she longs to finish even just one day in her life without doing anything wrong. However my daughter knows as well as I do that within at the least an hour of saying she is going to be good, that promise will be broken. Sometimes during the day or before bed, she always asks me if she has been good, and I always try to be as honest as I can with her, and I will tell her what she has done wrong if I can remember. If she has been better than usual I will praise her and tell her.

I have never said to her she has been a perfect little girl who has done nothing wrong all day, If I say that to her then I am a liar and I will be doing her more harm than good. I do not believe in teaching children self esteem or that they should feel good about themselves, because they should not. My daughter is a normal 4 year old who loves to play with her dolls and dress up, but everyday she finds that she is doing things that are wrong like doing something to upset her baby brother or not doing what she is told by her mum.

So we have a problem, and this is an everyday battle. The problem is sin. I never taught my daughter to sin. This is because she, and as well as the rest of the human race have inherited a sinful nature from Adam. From the moment we are conceived we are sinners, Pslam 57:5. We are born with a desire to sin. We are all born God hating and evil.

However this morning my daughter shocked and amazed me. As usual first thing when she woke up today she said, ” I am going to be a good girl today mummy” , and I nodded and said, “OK”. She was quiet for a while as if in deep thought then she said, ” But mummy, everyday I try and I want to be a good girl, but I can’t do it. I can’t be a good girl”. I didn’t know what to say to her at this point so I asked her why she could not do it. ” Because there is only one person who can ever help me to be good”, she said.

So not knowing where this was going and a little confused by what my daughter was saying, I asked her who it is who would help her to be a good girl, thinking maybe she was going to say me, she said- Jesus. Yes my four year old daughter told me that the only person who would ever help her to be a good girl was Jesus Christ, because she could not do it on her own. I have never told her this. I would have thought this is too deep for a four year old to understand. That she was a sinner, she could not control her sinful nature.

My little sister is the grown up version of this little girl. My sister, though a agnostic deist now, still struggles with thinking she’s ugly inside as well as out and that she is undeserving of love and respect. She learned it from our mother who spent nine years telling her she was a bad girl by pointing out every flaw she could find, real or imagined.

Children should not think they’re incapable of being decent people. No one, regardless of their relationship to the child, should be praised for doing this to a child. It is wrong. It is abuse. It should not be accepted nor tolerated.

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She calls me Max

Karen — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:38:22 +0000

And it’s a very good thing that I’m cute, because with all the foot biting, arm gnawing, leg chewing and plant digging I do when I’m not trying to take on the neighbour’s Pomeranian, it’s a wonder a particular resident of the house I’ve adopted hasn’t evicted my little orange butt.

Did I mention I had orange eyes too? Yep, I that damned cute. Lucky me, eh?

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a woman walking down the road out front. Time to see if she’s afraid of a prancing orange puffball.

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Many a long & lonesome highway

Karen — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:15:17 +0000

I recently re-installed Messenger after a few years or so and found out it now comes with a music player. I found the old[er] country station with ease and was soon listening to one of my favourite songs, “Long and Lonesome Highway” by Rodney Crowell.

And since I haven’t posted a video in a while, I thought I’d share it. All ya’ll country music haters just scamper off, alright?

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An overheard conversation

Karen — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 17:31:27 +0000

Sitting at the bus stop earlier I had the misfortune to overhear a woman going on and on about an atheist she knew. From her tone and her volume I know her kind of believer. The kind that will NOT leave you alone. The kind that ignores the phrases and words we use to avoid saying “I don’t believe that crap so leave me the fuck alone – please”. The kind that pushes and pushes until you say that word. The “A word”.

That kind then proceeds to insult the shit out of you sure in the knowledge that you will not defend yourself much less give exactly what you’re getting. The kind that will use any defensive language or even a less than happy tone to justify their primary delusion that the world is out to get them.

They can nag, harass and insult as much as they want and when their leaders say “The atheists are coming for us!” they nod their heads and say to themselves “well, yeah just the other day that atheist called me a shithead” – conveniently forgetting the insult was in response to them calling the atheist an amoral beast kept in line by the influence of fine believers like themselves.

Sometime ago I was on a woman of colour’s blog and one of the commentators, a young black man, made a statement along the lines that he did not like white people. No, he didn’t actively hate white people - he just didn’t care for us and that every white person he met had to gain his respect. That respect was not permanent and could be revoked.

I’ve often thought about his comment since and hearing that woman this morning, I’ve come to a similar conclusion about religious people. It’s been brewing in the back of my mind for a few months now at least and it’s something I’ve said to those closest to me, but there’s always been a twinge of guilt about being so judgmental. The guilt died this morning.

I feel like being judgmental because I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the nasty remarks, the condescending remarks, the public attacks and even the private ones on individual non-believers. I’m tired of being told the zillion ways I’m attacking those poor little things because I do the most awful thing one can imagine – I disagree with them and try to stop them from using the law to enforce their beliefs and their privilege.

I’m tired of self-appointed allies who have no problem pulling out their God Stick(tm) whenever a non-believer steps out line . I’m tired of the same people acting like threatening to join the religious equivalent of the Klan (known to the public as the Republican Party) and thus betraying everything they said they believed because some atheist got “uppity” is not at the least questionable behavior for an “ally”. In fact, it thoroughly pisses me off that religious people think they have a right to demand that we refer to them as allies because that’s what they want to call themselves with the clear implication being that we have no say so in the matter.

I don’t like religious people. Each and everyone of ‘em has to earn my respect. I don’t care what brand they are nor what flavour they are. Yes, I know that makes me a textbook example of the “Angry Atheist”. I don’t care. When religious people quit being assholes as a rule, I may reconsider, but until then…..

Where’s my sign?

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8 Things about Me

Karen — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 16:15:41 +0000

I’ve been tagged by Michael of Atheist Perspective and Tobe38 of A Load of Bright. What does that mean for you? You get to read eight facts/habits about me while wondering if you’re next on the list. Protocol must be followed though, so first things first – THE RULES:

These rules must be posted before the facts.
Participants have to list eight ‘random’ facts/habits about themselves.
Everyone who gets ‘tagged’ has to do the same thing.
Each participant has to list eight victims at the end of their post.
A comment must be left on each victims blog notifying them of their victimization.

My eight ‘random’ facts:

My membership in the Baptist sect was not by choice. I became a member via baptism after an ambush planned by our mother. Prior to the ambush, she kicked one brother and our dad out for refusing to attend church. Prior to the baptism, she kicked out the other brother (also ambushed) for balking at being baptized. “No, thank you” wasn’t an option.
I am terrified of spiders and have been since watching the movie “Kingdom of the Spiders” as a child. I consider it a step up that I can actually run from them now. I used to become immobile with fear and it would take as long as an hour for me to snap out of it.
The weirdest insult I’ve ever gotten is that I have too much integrity. The funniest was the accusation that I “think too much”. The “umm okay” award goes to the accusation that I intentionally intimidate people by walking into a room/area with a purpose.
Even though I’m allergic to them – I still eat oranges and drink orange juice.
My dad was raised in some brand of Christianity (or Judaism – the jury is out, not expected back) that kept the biblical food laws. As a result, pork was banned from the house when I was a child. I’m 34 years old and still get a bit of twinge whenever I order/request a pork dish.
Every now and then I “forget” English and insert words/phrases from various languages that I’ve been exposed to over the years, including “dead” ones. (English is my native language)
I am one of 15 confirmed surviving children spanning six marriages. I don’t bother with the half-this, half-that, step-whatever anymore as it’s headache inducing.
My dad was so sexist that he took a secret family recipe to the grave with him because it was “traditionally” passed from father to son and his sons hated him.

My ~~Eight~~ Victims:

Since a lot of my favorite blogs are group endeavors or have been tagged already, if you’re reading this, have a blog and haven’t been tagged – consider yourself tagged. Yep, that’s a direct violation of rule four and five. The meme police will just have to deal with it.

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Awakened Atheists

Karen — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 20:19:42 +0000

I just found a great comment over at Unscrewing the Inscrutable by Hank Fox and thought I’d share a part that hit home with me:

But an Awakened Atheist? I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s any way such a person could ever let religion back into his/her life. After you get religion out of your head, after you start to think your own thoughts and begin to see what sort of damage had been done to you Ã¢â‚¬â€œ after you see the LIES for what they are Ã¢â‚¬â€œ I just canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t imagine going back to it.

I’m one of these. I’ve seen other atheists write lists and essays of what it’d take for them to convert, but I have no such list or essay. If I were to write such a list or essay, it’s subject would be taking apart the lists/essays of other atheists.

Religion is dead to me. Oh, I can argue/discuss things with the believers, but I don’t think I can be (re)converted. Futhermore, I agree with something else Hank said in the same comment:

In social terms, the opposite of religion is atheism. But in personal terms, the opposite of religion is … freedom. Freedom of thought, freedom of choice, freedom of … everything.

I was supposed to be a fundamentalist Baptist. I turned out “free” instead. I will not give up my freedom. For anything. Including life. Death is preferable to slavery.

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Sympathy for the devil

Karen — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:12:19 +0000

Have you ever been put in a situation where you’re forced to side with someone you really don’t care for? I’m in that kind of situation with my maternal aunt this morning. I’ve written about my aunt before and could probably write a book on the various run-ins we’ve had over the years. To some degree I think she deserves whatever she gets as she’s a pretty vicious person, but the situation she’s in right now is just plain over the line.

Her stepson, a professor at a Baptist university, wants to take her furniture and auction it off because his father didn’t specifically state in his will that she was to have not only the house, but the furnishings also. He also left her the land and if there’s anything worth trying to rip out from under her that’s it as it’s worth more, but I doubt he would challenge that as it would probably undermine his own inheritance which is alleged to be in the thousands of dollars.

Exactly how damn vicious or greedy do you have to be to try and take someone’s frigging furniture away from them? We’re not talking decorative items, we’re talking about her bed, her dining room table, her living room furniture and other necessities such as those.

At the same time, this isn’t the first time this has happened in the family. A similar incident happened when my maternal grandmother died at the instigation of two of my uncles one of which was the named executer in her will and fundamentalists also. As with my aunt’s stepson they nitpicked the will and concluded that since my grandmother’s will said “legitimate” children, that meant she intended to exclude her eldest child who was born out of wedlock when she was 14 years old. So, they forced an auction, boarded up the house and let him live on the streets for years until one of them went for a political position and it became apparent that forcing one’s by then dying brother to live in a shack at the mercy of others tends to stick to self-awarded halos like ticks on a dog.

It’s just mind-boggling, ya know?

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Patrick Craig’s Accusations

Karen — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 21:50:49 +0000

Patrick Craig of The Passionate Atheist was not banned for disagreeing with me. Patrick Craig was banned because his comments were from the get go insulting and abusive with no real disagreement in them, unless one counts “you’re an idiot and that makes you wrong because I said so” as “disagreement”.

His comments culminated in all out attack upon my character which also contained the threat that he would continue such behaviour until I agreed with him and the legions of True Atheists ™ that were on his side. He has made good on that threat by sending me about a dozen abusive emails and attempting to post other comments that were unabashedly insulting towards me and third parties.

Patrick’s final published comment that got him banned and the reason there is now a comment policy on this blog:

“I have no delusions that I will ever change your irrational thinking. I can only keep pointing out to everyone else how unbelievably ridiculous it is that you lend your support to anything as horrible as [subject of post].

I don’t expect you to respond in any positive way, you are apparently damaged or disabled in some way that does not allow me to get through to you. And that’s a very kind assessment. The alternative is that your home is filled with life-size posters of, say, Adolf Hitler, and that you commit horrible hate crimes yourself daily.

Which is it? Are you capable of distinguishing the difference between the two assessments? Can you say, “I am just damaged” and understand what you are saying and then seek help? Assuming the alternative, can you honestly admit that you are a racist, a bigot, a monster, and see that the acts of hate you commit are destroying your life and the lives of others?

Would you then have what it takes to change yourself? All of these things take an inner courage, something you don’t appear to possess at all. My options are to assign blame to you for your cowardice, or take into consideration that you perhaps have a medical condition that prevents you from making those very necessary changes for the better.

In short, Patrick Craig was banned because he is a bully who thinks wrapping himself up in a flag gives him the right to impose his viciousness upon anyone who dares to not see things his way. I will not tolerate a bully on this blog. As I said in the comment policy:

This is my house, not yours. You do not have an inalienable right to say whatever you wish in my house, especially if your words are hostile, rude, aggressive and/or abusive. I am not your mother. I do not have to ignore or forgive your bad behaviour.

If that offends, can’t say that I care. I lived with an abusive man for 18 years of my life, the only welcome rug I’ll put out for such people is one that covers the pit I intend to make sure they fall in.