I found this “science project” over a Possum Momma’s place and thought it would be amusing to answer them.
Question: Do unchristians make less moral choices than Christians?
Hypothesis: The Bible is the perfect guide to life that shows us how to be moral people. Without believing in the Bible you can’t know God and he can’t guide you and give you rewards for being a good person. I think people who aren’t Christian will be less successful.
Experiment: I will interview thirty people and ask them if they are Christian. I will give them the same questions so I have a control sample. I think they are immoral if they score lower than 15.
Questions I will ask. There are 20 points available.
- Have you ever spoke the name of our Lord in vain? – Does Jesus Christ on a pogo stick count as being “in vain”? How about Jesus fucking Christ?
- Have you ever killed another human being? – Nope, but I did join an organization that paid me to be ready to kill other humans beings. You may know it as the US Army?
- Have you every lied? – Of course not!
- Have you ever had [sexual] relations before marriage? – Yep. Had fun too.
- Do you go to church every Sunday or once a week? – I’d rather shoot myself in both feet.
- Do you wish you had more stuff? – No – I’m quite specific. I want these books, this computer and a red Honda S2000.
- Do you gossip? – I do not “gossip”. I tell the truth.
- Do you give to charity? – Yes, but only to ones that fight you bunch of nutballs like the ACLU & FFRF.
- Do you listen to rap or heavy metal music? – I prefer death metal personally.
- Have you ever had an abortion or been pro-choice? – Since 1/3 of all pregnancies terminate naturally, yep – I’ve hand an “abortion” and I’m very much pro-not forcing women to breed against their will.
- Have you ever read Harry Potter or Spiderwick Chronicles or the Golden Compass? – There’s only one thing worse than generic fiction and that’s fantasy which is just one step short of being religious.
- Do you see movies with unwholesome content? – Who is this “unwholesome content” you speak of? Are you insulting my partner, kid?.
- Do you pray every day? – Only on days that don’t end with a “y”.
- Do you believe that God is the creator of heaven and earth? – Of course not. The FSM did that.
- Are you overweight because you eat too much? – Nope. I was born a stick and I’ll die a stick.
- Do you take pride in accomplishments other than service to God? – Wrong question, kid. The question should be “do you give God credit for the good you do and blame yourself for the bad you do?”. You should really quit fiddling during the sermon and pay attention.
- Do you put God and Jesus first? -No, but for the hell of it, lets say that I do. What do I do if God and Jesus get in a spat and start giving contradictory orders? Do I obey God or Jesus?
- Do you view pornography? – No, but pornography isn’t the problem and is in fact a result of your religion’s insistence that the only thing a woman is good for is fucking when we aren’t fetching you a beer, picking up your dirty socks or popping out one of your brats.
- Do you practice temperance in every thing you do? – No – I’m quite proud of my ability to drink most people under the table.
- Are you quick to anger? – No, but I’m quite gifted at making others angry by being unflappable.
The questionnaire is rigged of course. There’s only three possible outcomes. You’re either a Christian and “moral”, a Christian and not “moral” or a “UnChrisitan” who is not “moral”.