Fun with telemarketers

Thanks - that’s the best laugh I’ve had in ages!

In general I don’t feel the need to be polite to these tele-intruders and usually just hang up. Now and then, if I have time and am in the mood I like to mess with them and my twisted mind can come up with all kinds of fun.

I know that when telemarketers are trained they are given answers for what their employers think will cover every possible scenario, so the key is to throw them a curve. Here’s one of my favorites. Most telemarketing calls are from males, but it will be just as effective with either gender. After they have identified why they are calling, in my most seductive voice I will ask, “So what are you wearing?” and without skipping a beat I continue with, “wanna know what I have on.” They get pretty flustered and are usually dumbstruck. That will get them off (no pun intended) the phone in a hurry.

That was great! Thanks for sharing. You gave me a good laugh.

I used to live In a town called Bli Bli, so this website almost feels like home.

I need similiar telemarketing ideas to deal with Jehovah Witnesses at the door. Dressing gown sans underwear for a start I think.

@ Mothandrust

The English comedian Jack Dee said that the only way to deal with JW’s is to try to ‘outcrazy’ them. For example:

JW: Hello, are you looking for Jesus?
You: No! He’s inside. Do you want to come in and speak to him?

Apparently, they run a mile.

When the Jehovas Witness come to my door, to enlighten me they usually end up pissing me off. How dare they drive onto my property and disturb my peace and serenity. Peeking out the window they are easy to identify as they usually come in groups, often including children, and are dressed in ”church finery” including stockings for the women and suits for the men on even the hottest days.

I have done everything from answer the door naked, handing them pamphlets from the American Atheists Society, to yelling at them for tresspassing. One Sunday a friend and I took a stack of the Amer. Atheists Pamphlets and drove down to the local Kingdom Hall. The parking lot was full, so we knocked on the door and when someone finally answered looking puzzled, we put on our biggest smiles and told them we had some information for them and handed them the pamphlets. The look on his face was priceless, I half expected him to hold up a cross as if warding off vampires.

I’ve never had a problem with the Jehovah Witnesses even thought they hit the neighborhood about once a week. I can be sitting on the porch watching them knock on doors and they will walk by our place without so much as a glance. As far as I can tell it seems to be the bumper sticker on the car (Imagine No Heaven No Hell) that’s warding them off as neither of us has spoken to one in the past.

When I was a Christian I used to ward them off by speaking in tongues. Amazingly I still have this supernatural ability to speak in gibberish that no one understands (so do most of our political leaders, in fact).

That might be fun to do next time they come. Just speak in tongues as if I’m an insane freaky pentecostal.

I love telemarkters. Without them I’d have never been inspired to create TeleSpank.com, where I post my telemarketer “spankings.” Tom Mabe? He’s my hero…

Kevin / The Spankster
http://www.TeleSpank.com