- Being gay is not natural. Real Americans ™ always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
- Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
- Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
- Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
- Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
- Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
- Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
- Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
- Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
- Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
FYI: I do not hate gay people nor do I support any attempts to legally discriminate against them. In other words, this post is pure snark aimed at the idiocy of the bigots who think that “CIVILIZATION ITSELF!!!!!” will end if gay people are afforded the same rights and privileges we straight people enjoy.
To put it another way:
All emails about this post will be deleted without comment.
As for the 99.9 percent of you all who got the post, I think y’all will enjoy Prop 8 – The Musical also.
156 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society
Lori June 30, 2006
This is too funny! Thanks for posting it.
chad edwards June 30, 2006
Excellent post! Thank God for blogs. Someone in this country has got to tell it like it is. You’ve done that well, here.
marie b. July 1, 2006
I’ve always loved that list.
I posted it on my blog a couple years ago and wound up getting emails both from people who didn’t bother to read it and thought that I was against gay marriage and people who did read it and applauded me for being “anti-gay”, as well as from people who thought I’d written it. Sigh.
Broken Messenger July 1, 2006
I appreciate the concern here and I don’t support gay marriage politically, but I think our hypocrisy as a whole has already ruined society. Christians are the salt and light of the world. Without us there is no true advocacy for moral restraint. Our lack of love for each other causes people to turn a deaf ear to us and this is the merely the outcome of those deaf ears.
Brad
Ian July 2, 2006
Came through on BlogMad. Loved the list. Haven’t laughed like that for a couple of days, so, “thanks!”
Paolo July 3, 2006
I think the list forgot something, if gay couples adopt kids and try to raise them, imagine the torture these kids would get from bullies accross the world. The kids would get a hell of beating once everyone know they were adopted by gay parents. I think these people should think about the kids too. Life is not gonna be easy for them.
Anyway, truly great list, wish they had more of these.
WiseCrone July 4, 2006
To Paolo and Brad,
Maybe you should read this again.
Can you spell H U M O R??????
It’s NOT about being against Gay Marriage.
Jessica July 4, 2006
I always loved this one! Paolo, I know book learning may not be your thing, but take a closer look at the list there buddy.
Lars July 4, 2006
Illogical, un-funny drivel!
Let’s send gay people to the moon!
Bettina July 4, 2006
Excellent list although sadly wasted on exactly the kind of people who need to understand it. Oh well, we can keep trying
)
Women never used to be able to vote either…
mikeusru July 4, 2006
it’s amazing to me that people who read this and say “yeah he’s right, gays suck” know how to use a computer. i’m hoping these are just misguided 12 year olds, if not, too bad, huh?
there’s a lot of this misunderstood humor at http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com
it gets pretty funny
Uluru July 4, 2006
I stumbled upon this page and first I was shocked. Thinking :”Okay it is the USA, but they can not mean this?” …
but then releaved to notice that they didn’t
let love rule
straight from belgium…
Tag July 5, 2006
After reading these comments, my thought is that for those who don’t get the “10 Reasons” above, the light’s are just a bit dim. Too bad an intelligence requirement for getting married poses other problems.
anup July 5, 2006
Excellent compilation of American hypocrisy. My only beef with the gays are the parades, its not the best way to get support for your cause cause it pisses of every driver in lower manhattan and I’ve seen it make people who are neutral about gay marriages oppose them out of sheer annoyance.
P.S. What the F*** is wrong with “broken messenger” aka Brad. Christians are the salt and light of this world? Are you serious man, im not anti-Christian or anything but that is a very, very bold statement to make. Christians are the advocacy for moral restraint huh? What about the brutal crusades, inquisitions, murdering of thousands of scientists and architects. The Christian onslaught on scientists has been calculated to have put our technological world 200 years behind. Imagine where we’d be right now if Christians had murdered them.
Nathan July 5, 2006
Love it, I was so offended at the first sentence until I realized it was satire.
Nonc Hilare July 5, 2006
Yep, gay alimony is a concept with a real future! I admire the way gay folks took the social baggage out of getting laid, but I must ask – along with the overwhelming majority of my straight and divorced male bretheren – Are you peeple crazy?
Jackster July 5, 2006
As we’ve got some gay friends (an American couple that moved to Amsterdam so they could marry) who have just adopted a lucky orphan kid from Latin America… I’ve got to post one that attempts to counter-balance Paulo…
* Clearly, it’s just not right to pair a poor orphan with two gay, wealthy, and caring parents because, well, they’re gay. Better to leave the kid poor and hungry — it’s sure to build character.
andrew July 5, 2006
yeah poalo, so the only bad thing about gay marriage would then be the bigotry of other people
liam July 6, 2006
wasn’t that on the colbert report resently? maybe thats where he got it from.
Karen July 6, 2006
Well, this post is certainly popular. You stumblers have managed to shut the site down twice in one day – so congrats.
Now to address a few commenters:
Broken Messenger: The salt and light of the world? I kindly suggest that you obtain a dictionary and look up the word “arrogant”.
Paolo: Surely you jest? Yes, kids can be mean little shits – if parents (aka the adults) let them. If you’re worried about what your kids are going to do the kid of a gay couple – you need to re-check yourself. You do yourself a disservice with this kind of thinking.
Lars: Nah, we’ll keep ‘em here. You, however, are quite welcome to set up residence on the moon, Mercury or whatever other planetary object suits your fancy.
Nonc Hilare: Sssh!! They’re not supposed to be told why it’s called an institution until it’s too late.
trenchtractor July 6, 2006
Quite the topical discussion at the minute… I am straight and the single dad of a 3yo boy. My younger brother lives with me. As brothers and house mates, we share domestic duties. As my son’s uncle, my brother shares a loving relationship with my son, as do I.
My brother and I are 2 blokes raising a boy. Problem?? I don’t think so. Neither of us are gay, nor do we associate with gay people (just don’t know any). Neither of us are religious. We have the attitude that treating people with respect will get you respect.
How about we think about gay marriage for a moment… Two people of the same sex get married, how the hell does that affect the ‘christians’ and others currently against it?? This is the thing I just can’t understand. What damage will it do to their tiny insignificant lives? It’s something that can mean the world to 2 people and means virtually nothing to anyone else. Why do you even care?? It’s their choice, let them have it.
Get real lives, people.
On the other hand, after going through separation I wouldn’t marry again (sorry ladies
), so I’m not sure I really see the big deal.
Live and let live, biggot wankers.
Ringo Langly July 6, 2006
Meh.
As much as this has it’s points, it relies on the exact same overblown rhetoric used by those who oppose gay marriage.
For instance, there’re damned few people who will actually concede that we live in a “theocracy”. Those who actually embrace this concept are, besides finding themselves in a minority (albeit a vocal one), are talking heads attatched to some lobby or organization which, despite the aforementioned ostentatious nature, aren’t actually representative of a significant number of people.
As amusing as this piece is, it’s also supposed to be thought provoking. Those folks who actually need to have their thoughts provoked on this issue aren’t going to be reached; those who, for whatever reason, agree whole heartedly already use are already actively employing this rhetoric, and those folks who are sitting dead center are going to evaluate the hyperbole as overblown, and continue to sit comfortably on the fence.
It’s the fence sitters who will turn the tide on this issue. So long as those selling the idea that gay marriage is not, will not be the end of our social order as we know it need to find a way to communicate with the fence sitters that doesn’t include irreverence and ridicule of what are considered “traditional values”.
What is forgotten here is that even folks who believe in “traditional values” may not personally agree with gay marriage, but will agree that precluding it by legislation is as dangerous to the freedom of embracing “traditional values” as it is to gay marriage itself.
More dialogue. Fewer recriminations and less ridicule. From both sides.
asf July 6, 2006
you must be one of them ‘gays’
Rick Morley July 6, 2006
I don’t really expect anyone here to take this comment seriously, but here we go anyway:
1. Homosexuality is not “natural.” .There is no evidence of a so-called “gay gene.” (Yes, I agree that comes from a biased source; but I challenge you to demonstrate accepted scientific research showing that there is a genetic cause of homosexuality.)
But in another line of thinking, homosexuality is just as “natural” as any other vice. Every child wants the cookie he can’t have; many teens want smoke even though smoking is demonstrably bad; and finally, look at the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina to see the real “natual” essence of mankind. Without authorities to stop them, theft and abuse were widespread. Yes, it is natual to desire bad things, but this doesn’t make bad things good.
2. There’s more wrong to gay marriage than simply encouraging others to be gay.
3. It was said when Canada was trying to legalize gay marriage that a slippery slope towards polygamy would never happen. Well, guess what? It has happened.
And just look at what is available from the porn industry. There is no end to what people can come up with: bestiality, etc. I predict, and you can hold me to this, that within a few years, people will start looking to try to make bestiality legal.
4. You’re right. Marriage has changed over the years. But the basic premise upon which marriage was instituted has remained the same. It was designed to be between a man and a women. Over the years, the types of men and the types of women who have married have evolved, but it’s still between a man and a woman.
5. This is a logical fallacy. Nobody ever said *all* straight marriages are executed sacredly. Marriage, *period*, is sacred, and I believe Britney Spears took part in desecrating the institution of marriage. So does everyone else who cheat on their spouses.
6. While having children is a big part of marriage, it’s not the primary reason for marriage.
7. This is the same logical fallacy as point #2. A Liar does not necessary raise liars; a theif does not raise only theives. A politician does not raise only politicians (except for the Kennedy’s). And nobody ever said gay people only raise gay children.
8. The US is not a theocracy. Merriam Webster’s defines a theocracy as “a government by immediate divine guidance or by officials who are regarded as devinely guided.” The minute you tell me George Bush is divinely guided, I’ll concede this point. Islamic countries are far more of a theocracy than the US is.
9. I wish parents would get along to raise their children. There is ample evidence that children grow up much better in a two-parent home. among many others.
10. This goes along with #9. Gay marriage may indeed change the foundation of society, and this is a cause for grave concern. When children lose their foundation of good family homes and good upbringings, we will lose our status as the greatest country in the world.
To close, I don’t hate gays. I don’t hate anyway, for that matter. We are all people. But certain actions are simply immoral. As the saying goes, hate the sin, not the sinner.
Leslie July 6, 2006
There is evidence that shows certain biological factors in being gay, such as having many older brothers. Homosexuality is not a ‘normal’ state but it is a natural one, in that is not dependant on a man just waking up one morning and thinking “Thats it, Im off chicks, bring on the men, George always looked cute in his shorts”
Reading down your list it is clear that you start from a position of “Gay is Bad,” thus Homosexuality must somehow ‘prove’ itself to you. This comment is a prime example of that attitude. No reasoning or backing logic for the comment, just that it’s “wrong”.
Whoop dee doo. There have _always_ been people wanting to make polygamy legal (from memory Mormans can have multiple wives.) Legalising Gay marriage will not change the people pushing for polygamy. To be honest I wouldn’t have a problem per se with legalisation of polygamy (see below).
There is a differnce between adult+adult sex and adult-child-animal anything else sex (interestingly a point that is overlooked by men of the cloth on occasion) which is CONSENT. An adult can’t get ‘real’ consent from a child and you can’t say an animal gave consent no matter how doe-eyed it looked at you.
Marrige is now more about commitment and a legal standing for shared rights in realtion to the partner more than anything else. The easy and commonality of divorce saw to that (and is an entirely seperate topic).
Actaully, people do. it is a common argument against gay adoption (which marriage may give them easier access to) that children raised by gay parents will be ‘tainted’ by gayess. Whenever I hear people say that out loud I wonder how they can without realising how stupid it sounds.
Google +bush+god+iraq. I guess we can consider this point conceded.
Yes there is. And there is also evidence that having both a mother and father is important at differnt stages of life. BUT fact is more and more children grow up in single parent families and so long as they have access to immediate role models it is belevied they get the input they need. Its is not just homosexual parents that need to make an effort here, straight single parents need to make an effort to. The problem is it is debateable whether children were better of in uncomfortable homes when divorce was all but unheard of or in a home where they use people outside of immediate family as role models. Based on a modern marriage, no difference between homo/hetro child rearing.
Again the assumption is that gay = BAD. A stable gay family is a far better environment than one where the parents argue all the time, husband beats the wife and they get a divorce. Please note, I think that Gay marriages will have the same faliure rate for the same sorts of reasons as stright ones. But marriage in this day and age is not the same as it was “back when.” I think this is the point people who are anti-gay marriage are missing.
Yep, I don’t hate biggoted small minded selfish idiots, just everyhting that they say and do, other than that you’re all hunky dory in my books.
MK July 6, 2006
This list attempts to imply that homosexuality is a state of being like being black or female. It isn’t. No matter how many times gays chant otherwise, it is still a choice.
As such this list is sadly invalid and demonstrates how logical thought (though not humor) has departed from our culture.
Ryan July 6, 2006
MK and Rick: You guys are fucking idiots.
jack bauer July 6, 2006
just stupid.
dz July 6, 2006
Funny and well written. I hope that this spreads so that lots of people get to read it.
M July 6, 2006
“As such this list is sadly invalid and demonstrates how logical thought (though not humor) has departed from our culture.”
-(Religion)———-|———-(Logic)+
^
culture
Lou July 6, 2006
Amusing? Yes. Words to live by? No. Comparing homosexuality to polyester is funny. But, like most of the list, it’s just wordplay. It goes no deeper.
Saying “children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home” is obviously not true, but that’s the power of adding the word “never”, isn’t it. In most cases kids thrive when they have one father and one mother. Sorry if that’s not a witty quip, but I’m afraid that is the boring reality.
Homosexual “marriage” changes society in a very negative and perverse way. You can call me a “fucking idiot” too if it makes you feel better, but it really shouldn’t anger you that not all people will always agree with you.
Brian July 6, 2006
Thanks for the amusing and witty entry. IMHO, the illegality of gay marriage is one of the single largest failures of our country. It makes no logical sense to me that the ban on gay marriage is not unconstitutional.
Seperation of Church and State anybody? I mean, who else is opposed (vehemently) aside from the religous right?
For the record “Lou #62, I feel most gay couples would make better parents then most straight couples.
Confused July 6, 2006
Why is this an issue?
me July 6, 2006
the bible says “a man shall not be with a man” and “a woman shall not be with a woman”
did i make that easy enough for everybody to understand?
nobody is born gay…going to hell is your own choice.
Brian July 6, 2006
One more comment,
People like Rick Morley, post #24, are the reason we have seperation of church and state. Quit arguing from a theocratical position and use logic. The bible is not logic, not all americans are christians, and shouldn’t be governed by christian rules.
I thought the original americans came to this land to escape religous persecution. I guess it has come full circle!! Maybe I should flee to Canada to escape the religious persecution that is occuring in this country.
Ken July 6, 2006
anup: Good point. It must be really annoying if it can piss off drivers in New York!
levee July 7, 2006
Beautiful! Very clever post, delivered with style! Here’s hoping you convert at least one idiot!
dumb me July 7, 2006
So going to hell is your own choice huh?
So I am born only to choose to go to hell anyways, just like I choose to go to jail, or just like I choose to dive off of a cliff, or just like I choose to brought up in a neighborhood of crack-addicted parents. Yup, sounds like a valid argument.
I am also chosing to have aids, and whatever horrible death I can conjure up. I am choosing it so it’s all my fault
barthon July 7, 2006
Fantastic list of arguments!
Karen July 7, 2006
If you’re going to quote the Bible – quote it correctly. The Bible states “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.” Lesbians? Entertainment for straight men even then. And, no – it wasn’t a “whoopsy” as the Bible has various rules and regulations for women. Forbidding lesbianism isn’t one of them.
And going to “hell” is not someone’s choice. It’s your gods order that anyone who doesn’t submit to his tyrannical rule will be sent there.
Mario July 7, 2006
Well, my partner Andrew and I got married in January under the Civil Partnership law of England, and the love of our friends and family has actually become stronger since then. An enlightened society values you and your relationship for its contribution to the others and not for your compliance to unprovable divine laws. If you are open, inclusive and generous with other people, they will be inclined to be the same with you. If what you sow is hate dictated by your fears, hate and fear is what you will harvest. What you should ask yourself is what have you done today for the people around you that will make you feel proud.
Kull July 7, 2006
Not really, I know a few people who arn’t adopted but parents have become divorced and now have a step-mother/father who’s in a gay relationship with their original parent. They don’t really get bullied, at least not in the UK.
Dee July 7, 2006
Yes, because kids from straight parents never get bullied. and kids always need a good reason before they bully other kids.
Paul (I wrote most of the bible) July 7, 2006
“Religious christians” dont have a sense of humour….. in fact most can barely spell I.Q. To be honest I’m amazed they managed to figure out how to switch their PC on and find this website…
Paul (I wrote most of the bible) July 7, 2006
If being gay is a choice for all gay people then so must being hetro for hetrosexuals. Of course this is obviously stupid – as are you.
Paul (I wrote most of the bible) July 7, 2006
I love the way people talk about hell like they are the ones that get to decide. If your a true christian, muslim or jew (monotheist) then you will know god will be the true judge over you. I doubt the belief of someone in god if they are trying to take the role of judge themselves. Do you think you are more important than god? Or maybe you dont believe in god anyway and just use it as an excuse? ps – a little secret….men wrote the bible, not god. god doesnt have hands to hold the pen you see. so do you put what some men say above god as well?
Dee July 7, 2006
wow, as I was reading the above post, I was thinking of all kinds of ways I wanted to reply, but then I read your post and You’d already said exactly what I wanted to say, but much more elegantly then I would have. I expecially agree about the polygamy/animal thing and the “nobody ever said gay people only raise gay children” thing. By the way, whats so bad about polygamy, anyway? Sure I wouldn’t want more then one husband, and I wouldn’t want to be some guy’s 6th wife, or whatever, but as long as everyone is a concenting adult, power to ya. I’ll stay out of your bedroom, if you stay out of mine.